Your Presence Matters
Back in January I was at daycare pickup getting my son. For some reason, both my husband Chris and I were there, so I waited in the car to send a quick text while Chris ran inside. After clicking send on the text, I looked up and saw someone who looked familiar leaving the daycare house and walking to their car.
I scanned my memory trying to place this person, and thought to myself, ‘Is that Kim?...’
We used to work at the same company, and at that time, I knew she lived in the same town. But I hadn’t seen her in years, so I wasn’t certain. Anyways, I opened the car door and did that awkward-for-me/creepy-for-her thing where I yelled out her name across the street and hoped it was actually her.
Good news: It was!
Apparently her youngest child just started at the same daycare my son goes to. A delightful surprise!
After messaging on LinkedIn, we made plans for coffee and finally made it happen last week after both a snow day cancellation and a sick day cancellation.
It has been nearly a decade since we crossed paths, so we had lots of catching up and getting to know each other to do. We talked a lot more about our shared community and our kids than we talked about work until the very end of our time.
As we parted ways at the close of a lovely conversation, she said, “Before we go, I have to tell you something. I don’t know if you know this, but something you said once kept me from quitting.”
She went on to share that she attended a training that I facilitated with another colleague, and afterward she approached us and disclosed that she was super unhappy and burnt out. “I don’t remember the training, but I remember you both listened to me and didn’t try to explain it away. You gave me a couple of actionable things I could try, and within a couple of months I moved to [a more fitting department].”
This well-respected employee apparently had one foot out the door, and her perception is that one conversation turned that trajectory around.
Now, Kim has been at that same company for 15 years, she’s doing work that matters, and she has flexibility and support to succeed at work and in her personal goals.
How neat is that?!
I am deeply touched by what Kim shared with me.
To be honest, though, I don’t remember that conversation.
I’ve probably had 100 conversations like the one with Kim. I can point to some of them, and I’m sure I don’t recall others that mattered. That doesn't mean any one was more significant than another.
Each of those conversations is different, AND there is at least one thing that consistently matters across every one of them:
Presence.
That is, being present in the moment and present with that other person. I
’ve seen it time and again. Presence begets openness, compassion, and connection.
It takes away the distraction and self-absorption of thoughts like, “Oh my gosh – no! We can’t lose Kim!”
Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges, describes the results of being present: “You’re able to actually hear what is going on instead of being worried about what might be going on. You’re thinking about what people are thinking but not what they’re thinking of you. You can respond to what’s happening, instead of … responding to what you think is happening - all of your worries.”
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Activation:
I invite you to think back to a conversation that made a difference for you.
What can you notice about what made it matter?
How might you authentically layer that into your leadership practice this week?